It's De-Lady!

The night is young, The jail date near,
And if Jack Abramoff’s talking, dear
It's de-frightful, it's litigious, for De-Lady

Earle understands the reason why
You're in trouble, 'cause he don’t lie
It's de-frightful, it's litigious, for De-Lady

You can tell at a glance
What scandal awaits your confidants
You can hear bloggers murmuring low
“To jail you go”

Oh, you’ll be beat, with your cronies,
And when we diss you, just save your pleas,
'Cause "its de-frightful, it's litigeous,
It's de-testable, it's de-sturbing,
It's di-scusting, it's dis-tasteful,
You're de-loser , You're De-Lady!"

(My deepest and sincerest apologies to Cole Porter)

Cross-posted at: Just Ain't Right

B.F.F.? Dubya Says "I Do"

...love Tom DeLay! Yes, President Bush has come right out and said it. He believes in our Tommi; more than that, he loves him and needs him. According to the L.A. Times,

President Bush said Wednesday that he believed indicted Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas) was innocent of money-laundering charges and expressed hope that his fellow Texan would regain his post as House majority leader.

"I hope that he will [return] because I like him," Bush said in an interview with Fox News. "And plus, when he's over there, we got our votes through the House."

So, immediately, what do the whiny, shrill Democrats do but kick up jack over a little loyalty, accusing him of practically 'jury tampering'! Can you believe the nerve? Fortunately, good ol' Scotty-boy McClellan shut them up right away, telling those insolent nobodies that it was the President's prerogative, and so there! He can say what he wants cuz he's the President! I mean, duh! Take that, liberal weenies! Plus, Scotty called Tommi "Leader DeLay", so you know it's only a matter of time until Tommi is right back in action, getting those votes through the House as only he can do!

Thank God for our President!!!

President says DeLay is not guilty of money laundering.

Hooray! At least someone in Washington is standing up for our Tommi! And it just happens to be the commander in chief, the head of the executive branch, and our new hero. It's about time someone showed our beloved Leader just how much all of Washington is in his debt.

Now maybe that judge and prosecutor will just shut up and go home. I mean, if the President says you're innocent, doesn't that mean an automatic drop all charges kind of thing? I thought that's what happened. Didn't that happen for Nixon?

I'm gonna write our President and tell him I think it's just great but if he really means it he should write it down and make it an official pardon. Isn't that what it's called?

Tainted Love

Standing Behind Tommi!

(Welcome to the beautiful people from Crooks and Liars. Get the full "I Love Tom DeLay!" site here!)

So much for those fair-weather nay-sayers.

I'm not the only one sticking by Tommi in his hour of need. None other than 'Swingin' Dick Cheney has stood up for friendship, loyalty and reciprocity! He showed serious love to our embattled Tommi by headlining a lovely, lavish fundraiser in Houston last Monday night, telling a rapt, upscale audience that he was "no fair-weather friend". At least that's what I heard from a little mouse, because no pesky, unfriendly Liberal Media were allowed into this swanky soirée, and neither were the annoying, screechy 'professional' protesters milling around outside, whining and holding up their stupid little signs. As if Tommi or Dick or anyone else inside gave a hamster's heinie about what those sore losers think. Veterans? Commie peaceniks? Everyone knows they don't count anyway. It's the folks inside, the ones paying $500 to $4,200 to attend this glamorous gala event, who matter. And they are the ones showing love, support and major simoleons to our darling Tommi.

(To be brutally honest, I think that Dick Cheney was hoping some of Tommi's powerful mojo would rub off on him - with a 19% approval rating, he needs to be seen with someone more popular than he is. Tommi just gives and gives and gives!)

Speaking of giving, lest you think that conservatives are not compassionate, let me tell you this little tid-bit. Conservatives are all about the love, no matter who gives it. Magnanimously, they allowed a feminazi protester from Code Pinko into the party - for only $50! Talk about your Big Tent Sale!

Crying Like A Bitch (or, What Would Tommi Do?)

Some people have no pride. No guts. No game.

Here's the Dukester. So he has some good friends who take care of him, and, naturally, friends return favors. What's so bad about that? Isn't that what friendship is all about? So he likes nice things. Who doesn't? I like nice things myself. Sue me.

So a bunch of 'soak the rich' liberal commie moonbats get their frilly pink panties in a twist - about what? That the Dukester is a swell guy and a loyal friend, and maybe has a little sump'n-sump'n to show for it? A little bling-bling? They're just jealous that they don't have nice friends, so they have to attack the people who do.

Really, 'corruption' is such an ugly word, don't you think?

Oh, sure, last summer he sounded like a stand-up guy, giving as good as he got. He swore up and down (a regular thing with him, the swearing) that he was completely innocent and would be vindicated, that he had never ever done anything that was not honest and aboveboard, that his whole life was one big shining example of sanctimonious righteousness. That he would fight those base and baseless charges to the bitter end.

Turns out, though, that when the 'bitter end' came along, he cried like a bitch. Like he just got pimp-slapped, clutching at his reddened, tear-stained cheek in horror and shame. What kind of man is that? No kind, if you ask me. A girly-man. A weak sister.

Now, Tommi - he's a man. You won't catch my Tommi blubbering like a baby who's peed his diaper. Never complain, never explain.

Tommi knows that you never, never, never admit wrongdoing of any kind, ever. Just attack back. The best defense is a great offense. Hold your head high. Smile when you say that, son. Show those pearly whites. It's worked like a charm so far. You wait, he'll be back as Majority Leader in no time, while the Dukester is filling up his dance card up to the Big House.

The CHECK is in the mail, Tommi!

Ooh that biased, unfair judge! Tommi's defense attorneys did their best yesterday to tell the judge, and the entire nation, that our Tommi was not dealing in "funds" as the law says he is not supposed to do, but simply dealing with "checks."

In trying to have those charges thrown out, the defense argued that the Texas money laundering law does not apply to funds in the form of a check, just coins or paper money. But the judge said that checks "are clearly funds and can be the subject of money laundering." (AP)

The judge said that checks and funds are the same thing, but EXCUSE ME...my bank is always telling ME that my checks are not the same as funds!!! Sometimes they won't even convert my check into funds because they are SO not the same thing!!! So what's up judge?!? Perhaps we should have a little look at YOUR bank account, huh???

And exactly how much money are we talking about here? Well, we are talking about one hundred and ninety thousand dollars. I do not have room in my purse for that kinda money!!! Even in hundreds! So how can the judge expect Tommi to carry that around in his wallet as cash? OF COURSE it was as checks. The judge is simply crazy.

Pardon me for gushing, but look here. Tommi is way cuter than his security detail, cuter than the prosecutor, even cuter than his own defense attorney!!!

Oh, Tommi! The check is in the mail!!!